


Heartburn

by seungminish



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Friends With Benefits, Gangs, Light Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Star-crossed, Unrequited Love, implied seungjin, mentions of drinking/alcohol, rival gangs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-18 14:10:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21712018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seungminish/pseuds/seungminish
Summary: “Wait! I-” Changbin turned to look back at Seungmin, who was now sitting up on the bed, his smooth legs criss-crossed as he breathed heavily, his glistening eyes focusing on Changbin’s after he wiped his tears. “I love you, Changbin-hyung,” he whispered lowly, to which Changbin replied with a sad smile.“I know."
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 79





	Heartburn

“Baby, look at me.”

Seungmin lifted his shining, tear-encrusted face to look at the the man that laid beside him on the bed. He _hated_ feeling so weak, so _powerless_ just because of one person that probably didn’t even care about him. Yet here he was, sobbing like a lovesick fool to the one person who _did_ , and he wished, truly _wished_ that he could give this man the same love. All he wanted was to forget and move on, but that seemed like the last thing he could do as he drunkenly took yet another swig of liquor from his flask. He let out a small whine when he felt it being snatched from his hand and thrown across the room, and he only continued to do so as he felt strong arms wrap around his waist. “I’m… sorry,” Seungmin whispered against the lips of the other, tears threatening to fall down his sweaty, glistening face yet again. 

“There’s nothing you need to be sorry for, love,” his best friend, Changbin, whispered back as he carded his hands through Seungmin’s hair before leaning in to press a kiss to his lips. “Cry your heart out. There’s no one here to judge you,” he mumbled, pressing more soft kisses on Seungmin’s lips and his cheeks, tasting the saltiness of the younger’s tears on his tongue. “I’ll love you no matter what.” 

_That’s the problem!_ Seungmin wanted to scream. He _hated_ how much Changbin loved him, _hated_ how kind and caring his friend was when he knew he couldn’t treat him the same. If only he could erase the man he truly loved from his mind, then he could give Seo Changbin all the love and affection that he deserved, because Seungmin knew that the love _he_ was giving _him_ wasn’t that at all. “Stop being so good to me,” Seungmin said between loud sobs. “I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve your love. I don’t deserve _you_.” 

“You deserve me and so much more, baby. In fact, you deserve _better_ than me. Someone that you can love freely, someone that can treat you better in all the ways that I couldn’t,” Changbin said softly, a tinge of sadness hidden in his tone. “Someone that you actually love,” he whispered almost inaudibly, but Seungmin’s eyes snapped towards his with an expression that was filled with regret and despair. Changbin waited, _waited_ for Seungmin to say something, _anything_ that would reassure him, but he could only feel his heart break when the younger remained silent. 

The deafening silence was broken by a _ding!_ from Changbin’s cell phone, and he removed one arm from Seungmin’s waist to pull his phone out of his pocket. “Duty calls,” Changbin mumbled as he read the message that lit up the screen, even though they both already knew too well what it meant. He pressed one last kiss onto Seungmin’s lips, his heart almost completely shattering when he received almost no reaction at all--just a glassy, emotionless stare that Changbin felt deep within his soul. “Goodbye, Seungmin-ah,” Changbin said, his voice almost breaking as he pulled his other arm from Seungmin’s waist and threw his legs over the side of the bed to get up. 

As he stood up to pull on his clothes, he felt his eyes lingering on Seungmin, who had buried his face in his pillow and was completely silent. His heart hurt from seeing the younger in only _his_ shirt, with deep purple marks endowing his honey skin signifying Changbin’s love for him. But he knew that Seungmin wasn’t and was never going to be truly his, no matter how many times they collided and expressed their emotions like this. He wasn’t dumb; he could see that Seungmin was in love with someone else, with the way that he lit up whenever he received a message on his phone, with the way that he stared off into space while Changbin was speaking as if thinking of someone else. And it _hurt_ , _God_ it hurt like hell, but he forced himself to ignore it every time. Besides, they weren’t _lovers_ , just… friends who screwed around sometimes. 

He pulled on his last article of clothing, his sleek leather jacket, before picking up his keys from the bedside table and walking towards the door. His hand was on the knob when he heard Seungmin call out to him. “Wait! I-” Changbin turned to look back at Seungmin, who was now sitting up on the bed, his smooth legs criss-crossed as he breathed heavily, his glistening eyes focusing on Changbin’s after he wiped his tears. “I love you, Changbin-hyung,” he whispered lowly, to which Changbin replied with a sad smile.

“I know,” was all he could say as he turned the knob and left the motel room, finding it ironic how their temporary love lasted in a temporary place as he walked down the stairs and into the parking lot. But they couldn’t be together anywhere else, especially since the public eye analyzed their every move. He wasn’t scared of the public, honestly, but he was scared of the news that would spread around and eventually reach the two groups of people he didn’t want it to: their relative gangs. Belonging to each of the two most well-known, accomplished gangs in the area, Seungmin and Changbin were automatically predestined rivals from the moment they met each other. But Changbin felt an attraction to Seungmin, and Seungmin sought emotional comfort in Changbin, so neither of them had ever really thought about the consequences. 

Changbin climbed into his sleek, black car and was just about to put the key into ignition when the sight of a certain someone caught his eye. He squinted as he saw _another man_ walk towards the room that Changbin had just left. He stared for a few moments in confusion as the man knocked on the door and paced around for a few seconds before the door slowly opened. Changbin didn’t waste time to think; he immediately got out of his car and bolted up the stairs towards the room again, his breath hitching in his throat as he noticed the man had already entered the room. He shouldn’t have left Seungmin, he should have stayed and ignored the text, because now Seungmin was in danger and it was all Changbin’s fault-

Changbin sprinted towards the room, pressing his forehead against the window for any chance of seeing the man inside. He should have felt lucky that Seungmin had left the curtains open, but instead, he felt his throat go dry as he watched the two individuals inside the room. He watched regretfully as Seungmin was pinned up against the wall by none other than _Hwang Hyunjin_ , the leader of Seungmin’s gang, and he felt the sudden urge to break in and stop the interaction when he noticed that Seungmin was _smiling_. 

The smile was like no other, yet Changbin had seen the smile one too many times. It was the happy smile that Seungmin had when he was texting on his phone, the smile that he had when he was drifting off into space and thinking of someone Changbin knew wasn’t him. It was a smile of true _love,_ the smile that Changbin had never been the recipient of yet had craved so long for. 

Whatever was left of Changbin’s poor heart was completely shattered at the moment as he watched the two kiss, with Hyunjin’s hands roaming under the shirt Changbin had given Seungmin as he gripped Seungmin’s waist tightly. Changbin couldn’t tear his eyes away as he watched Seungmin blush a deep crimson under his touch, and he couldn’t help but think about how Seungmin had never given him such an emotional reaction as a sob threatened to escape his throat. His eyes remained glued to the two individuals until their lips connected, and he tore his gaze away from the scene before dashing down the stairs and getting into his car, tears streaming down his cheeks. 

He eyed the bottle of wine that sat under the passenger’s seat of his car, and he didn’t think twice before popping it open and taking a long, desperate swig. Screw four years of sobriety, he thought as his throat burned from the sensation, his tears flowing hotly down his face. He _knew_ , damn it, he _knew_ and he still couldn’t handle the pain that he felt in his heart. So he took another drink, attempting to forget the mountains of heartbreak that engulfed his poor soul. 

But it didn’t work, because the burn of the wine could never replace the burn in his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> this was a lil one-shot i wrote like almost a year ago for my friend but i haven't posted in forever so! have this little angsty piece!
> 
> yell at me on my socials if you want:  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/seungminish)  
> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/seungminish)


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